How long does it take to heal a broken heart? Some have told me my break up was like that of a divorce, and I should take a year to myself. Others told me the day I moved out that “the best way to get over somebody was to get under somebody new”. I have spent the last 8 months trying to heal. I have tried meditation, yoga, running, working out on the punching bag, even dating, and they have all done wonders. I have felt my strength return to me. With each day that passed, I felt more myself than the day before.
But this morning, at the market I saw Dave, a great mutual friend. He said hi, and then mentioned he couldn’t chat long because he was there with you. I could feel my heart flutter. I could feel the panic swell within me. I didn’t even see you, but knowing you were there was enough to make my stomach hit the floor.
I haven’t prepared myself for seeing you. I am so scared of the moment our eyes will meet. I don’t know who I will be in that moment, and I am frightened I will betray myself.
How long does it take to heal? I can not say I know even the slightest possibility of a time line. I thought I was doing pretty well, but just knowing that this morning you were close enough for me to potentially hear your voice, it feels like my heart has been ripped right open. I’m tired of hurting. I want to be whole again and I don’t want to be patient.
Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simple interlocking of fingers. Your hands are one of the most essential parts of your body: you build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them, fight with them; they are the tools of the human body. To take a hold of another’s hand is to break from living individually. It is to link yourself to another being, to momentarily entwine your life with another’s, to promise, for a moment, that you need not face the world alone. More simple, more aesthetically naive than other forms of affection, i.e kissing, hugging, sexing, the act of holding hands is often trivialized in its true implications. As the Beatles once said: ”All I want to do is hold your hand.”
When you told me those words, I was so happy to know that somebody out there, somebody actually cared for me, that somebody out there knew how I felt, that somebody out there understood. You let me know what living truly was, and I appreciated that. But then one day, you took it all away. You…
Still reflecting and trying to make some sense of what happend between us I have come to realize how naive I was. There were problems. I knew that all along. Did I do anything to fix them? Maybe not enough.But I was too naive!! I thought they would fix themselves or they would all go away. I was…
